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1
Jokes & Humour / must read/sing
« Last post by ottkaz on May 03, 2018, 06:42:15 AM »
BOHEMIAN CURRY (sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody)
*
Naan-aa, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle, now heís dead.
Naan-naa, dinner just begun
But now Iím going to crap it all away.
Naan-aa, ooh-ooh
Didnít mean to make you cry,
Seen nothiní yet just see the loo tomorrow,
Curry on, Curry on,
Ďcause nothing really madras.
Too late, my dinnerís gone
Sends shivers up my spine
Rectum aching all the time.
Goodbye every bhaji, Iíve got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use loo.
Naa-na, ooh ooh,
This Dopiazaís mild,
I Sometimes wish weíd never come here at all....
(Guitar solo)
I see a little chicken tikka on the side,
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh
pass the chutney made of mango.
Vindaloo does nicely
Very very spicey
ME
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani and a naan,
(A vindaloo loo loooo..)
Iíve eaten balti, somebody help me
Heís eaten balti, get him to a lavatory
Stand you well back
Cause this loo is quarantined.
Here it comes,
There it goes,
technicolor yawn.
I chunder
No
Itís coming up again
(There he goes) I chunder
Itís coming up again
(There he goes) Itís coming up again, (Up again)
Coming up again (up again)
Here it comes again
(No no no no no non o no no No)
On my knees, Iím on my knees, Iím on my knees
Oh there he goes
This vindaloo
Is about to wreck my guts
Poor me....Poor me...Poor me !
(Guitar solo)
So you think you can chunder and still itís alright ?
So you want to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Ohh maybe, now youíll puke like a baby,
Just had to come out,
Just had to come right out in here....
(Guitar solo)
Korma, saag or bhuna,
Balti, naan, bhaji.
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference to me
(Anyway, my wind blows!!..
2
Repositories / community portal
« Last post by ottkaz on April 28, 2018, 12:52:42 PM »
nice wizard from the lads at kodiuk

auto clean
build installs
apk installs

repo

http://kodiuk.tv/repo
3
Repositories / all eyes on me
« Last post by ottkaz on April 28, 2018, 12:51:27 PM »
excellent all round addon

repo

http://aeom.cf/repo

few extra treats inside this repo
4
Jokes & Humour / mary had a little lamb
« Last post by ottkaz on April 28, 2018, 12:49:06 PM »
mary had a little lamb
it walked into a pylon'
10,000 volts shot up its arse
and turned his wool to nylon
5
Video Addons / AEOM
« Last post by ottkaz on April 28, 2018, 12:28:53 PM »
all eyes on me repo

http://aeom.cf/repo
6
Iptv Hosting / over the top tv
« Last post by ottkaz on April 28, 2018, 12:15:28 PM »
OVER THE TOP TV

all 3pm's, ppv, usa, uk, australian, canadian channels
5000+ vod movies and tv shows
only £8 pm

https://www.facebook.com/groups/870187853106220/
7
Announcements / Re: ideas
« Last post by ottkaz on April 28, 2018, 09:10:30 AM »
iptv thread
8
Sport / Favorite Soccer/Football Team
« Last post by Tupac on April 27, 2018, 08:30:43 PM »
As per title, whats your Favorite Soccer/Football Team.

Mine are the red devils, best team in world :) lol

9
Jokes & Humour / CHILI, TEXAS STYLE
« Last post by Tupac on April 27, 2018, 08:29:03 PM »
If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for  you. I was crying by the end. This is a so called actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. Read it all. Do not skip any sections. Do not skip ahead.

Pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

Note: For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off around Halloween. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.


CHILI, TEXAS STYLE !!!
Note from Frank: "Recently, while visiting Texas (I'm from Springfield, IL) I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original judge called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light beer booth, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that even though I was inexperienced as a Chili taster, the chili >wouldn't be all that spicy. Besides, they told me, I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting {censored}-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, >sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will >eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. Atleast during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
10
VPN Hosting / DigibitVPN
« Last post by Tupac on April 27, 2018, 07:38:39 PM »
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+-Recent Topics

must read/sing by ottkaz
May 03, 2018, 06:42:15 AM

community portal by ottkaz
April 28, 2018, 12:52:42 PM

all eyes on me by ottkaz
April 28, 2018, 12:51:27 PM

mary had a little lamb by ottkaz
April 28, 2018, 12:49:06 PM

AEOM by ottkaz
April 28, 2018, 12:28:53 PM

over the top tv by ottkaz
April 28, 2018, 12:15:28 PM

ideas by ottkaz
April 28, 2018, 09:10:30 AM

Favorite Soccer/Football Team by Tupac
April 27, 2018, 08:30:43 PM

CHILI, TEXAS STYLE by Tupac
April 27, 2018, 08:29:03 PM

DigibitVPN by Tupac
April 27, 2018, 07:38:39 PM

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